Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
