I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
