I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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