Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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