i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
