i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
