and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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