i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
