Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
In other news, I just burned my penis
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
