I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
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