Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
