party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
