1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
