He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
