M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
