I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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