You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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