If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
