the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
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