I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
