I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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