Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
