I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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