Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So much Jack, so little girl.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
