just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
