this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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