what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
