Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
