the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
