ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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