I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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