hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
