My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He did a backflip because drugs
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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