we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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