Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
