i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
