I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize