Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize