she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
