Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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