Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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