I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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