and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
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