I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
