Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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