I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
and you fell through a lawn chair
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
