I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize