haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
