She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
