Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
