new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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