mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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