when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
