She's JV to your varsity
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
