my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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