I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
