So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
