first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
