He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize