Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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