Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
