I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
