This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
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