so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
