very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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