Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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