Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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