I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
