I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize