I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
