Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Randomize
