It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
