I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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