She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
