Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
