put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You were trust falling into bushes
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He has the fingertips of a God
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